


"Phantom Blood" in massive quotation marks

by orphan_account



Category: youtube - Fandom, ジョジョの奇妙な冒険 | JoJo no Kimyou na Bouken | JoJo's Bizarre Adventure
Genre: 2 am fanfic lol, Crack, F/M, Gen, On Hiatus, also you dont tag kono dio da as a ship, at least, bye, help me, i dreampt this up late at night, i havent tagged any relationships i cant, later on, sorry - Freeform, spoilers for Part 1
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-02-01
Packaged: 2019-10-13 12:36:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17488172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: an unfortunate event. written ironically. if you are looking for something serious, move on.if you ship jonadio, i am very sorry.I can't finish this at the moment, sorry. I can't remember the plot of PB lol.





	1. "painful upbringing????????"

**Author's Note:**

> help.
> 
> written correctly, i have grammar checker thingy on  
> if you for some reason, expect regular updates, that's not happening

Somewhere in England (it would seem to be Liverpool) there was a house. It was the Joestar mansion, but the people who lived there actually aren’t the Joestars. This is the work of an Enemy Stand **TM** . 

 

So there was this lad and his name was Alex and he lived in a house. He had a dog but I can’t be bothered to name it. One day he was outside and he heard an unimportant side character jeering at a girl whose name would have seemed to be Durv. And she was crying. The side characters seemed to have stolen her list of phone numbers belonging to fictional characters and were taking the peepee. Alex yeeted them, but then was yote back 10 times harder. He dropped his “handkerchief” which, let’s face it, probably isn’t a handkerchief. He isn’t some ViCTorIaN waIF. It had his name on. Durv picked it up. What a lad.

 

So anyway the other lad walked down a hill I think it was???? And then he was outside the big thicc door and then a carriage came up the drive and so basically that's where it all went wrong. Anyway, the big menacing carriage drew up and a guy jumped out and he looked like a bit of a dick and yeah. He flipped his hair in a dickish way. Alex was painfully oblivious and greet him. Then the dog but I can’t be bothered to name it ran out but then the other guy who I forgot to mention was called George but I’ll alternate that with “Memeulous” because this is “bizarre” after all. So George kneed [dog] in the face and that was a bit peak!1!!1! And then he blamed it on shock but we know it wasn’t shock because I am substituting the lad for Dio and every variation of Dio is pure evil.

 

Anyway, it was here that a painful upbringing happened, with such events as a father figure being unfair and let's face it, all the events of Phantom Blood are really George 1’s fault and the multiple Georges in this could cause problems. Durv had remembered the earlier events and then he went and found Alex and then they fed grapes to [dog], Araki why did you think that was a good idea. They ended up falling in love, but George (not the father) didn’t like this, so he went about expressing this in a peepee way like Dios always do. He found Durv and then Kissed her and followed it up with “Hit or miss… etc. … You got a boyfriend I bet he doesn’t kiss ya” Then he did a mwah!!! And then this seemed to require a Kono Dio Da, but because this isn’t actually JoJo, it was Kono Memeulous Da! Which really doesn’t have the same ring to it but I don’t care.

  
Then there was the whole affair of [dog] in the furnace which I’m not going to describe, but Alex was very ANGERYY, and then there was the rest of his Painful Upbringing **TM** . 


	2. Oh no!! Chatper 2!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So today Memeulous hit 3 million followers, so what better time to release this!!
> 
> Its still awful, okay?
> 
> No spoilers just yet lol

A while ago in London, there was a guy and I’m not gonna bother so he’s Wang Chan and he sold poison to minors. That’s unforgivable!! Geroge Memoulous had acquired some and now Memeulous senior was dead. That was when he went to live with the “Joestars”. But he wanted all the money so he had… a plan!

 

Anyways~! In the big house, there was a mask on the wall which for some unknown reason was deemed more important than the great MARY JOESTAR HERSELF. Alex thought it was well cool, and it looked very epic! Well, one day after [dog] died in an unfortunate accent involving Geroge and a furnace they had a big punchy fight and then some nose blood hit the creepy~ mask, and it shot off the wall! It had spikes protruding from it. Alex thought that was even more epic, so he nicked it and looked at it for a while.

 

Then, later on there was a football game but neither of them were particularly “athletic”. The team still won though. They skedoodled home, to tell [father] they had won but as it turned out someone had already told him. This made George Memeulous most ANGRY. 

 

Alex was bored and in the big boy library looking through some books but oh no! He dropped a box and there was a letter in it. He activated his sneak: 100, and read the letter which isn’t his. 

 

Disaster! He discovered that “Mr Brando Senior” had very obvious poison symptoms. Then he realised that the soup had been stinky and crunchy on the day he didn’t eat it. Therefore Memeulous had been poisoning both [father]s. Now Alex was extremely angry. So, canonically accurately he went and Yeeted George over a staircase and then went off to the most dodgy place ever. It was there that he met a great stranger! Almost Godlike! (Not) Speedwagon)!

 

← to be continued…!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats 2 memeulous


	3. OH NO!!!!!111111!!!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Father Figure] gets yote with knif.

So Alex was in a dodgy place and then a legend of a man came up to him. He had a spinny chair and was an all round legend. His 9 year old army attacked. And then, he pulled out his epic finishing move- but can your chair do this? He reclined until he was a full 180 degrees, and then said “It is I, the interfering PewDiePie,”. Obviously a sound guy. So the they found the evil >:(( poison man, and took him back up the mansion. George was flexing his  jo I mean, DIOlex, and had peepeed off to London as well. He had taken the stone mask with him.

 

Dun Dun Dun

 

So he was in some backstreet in London and  there were a couple of drunk mans there and so he was like HMMMMMMMMMMmmmm, and so he put the mask on one and then dabbed on him. But, then, the tables. were. turned. And so then the man became a vampire, and his name was enoby dimentia way. So Memoulous was like ‘oh shite’, and because he couldn’t get the kills, he ran for the hills. (the sunlight killed the guy anyway)

 

So now Geroge was having a crisis- so then, he made a plan, and whip nae nae’d back to liverpool. [Father Figure] was there waiting for him, quite sadly, actually. It was a short while later that Alex returned and was then fed some sob story because?? Dio time :). And then [Father Figure] died, or was killed. However your vegan/non-vegan lifestyle prefers. Then George Memeulous rejote his human. And then…

 

DUN DUN DUN  :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter its too late to care anymore owo


End file.
